Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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