So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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