dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
