I think my fart just growled at me.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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