You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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