I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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