You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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