Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
