My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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