I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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