my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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