He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
