do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
