You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
