dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
