I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
