he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
