i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
