he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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