Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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