1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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