ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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