just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
