Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
