when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
