i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
