I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
