just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
