wakey wakey hands off snakey
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
