I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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