You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
