I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
