I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
