Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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