She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
