she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
