you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
