the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize