You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
