Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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