Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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