dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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