You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
