I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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