He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
