When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You may now shotgun with the bride
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
