my room smells like sperm. sweet.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Randomize
