Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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