I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
