I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
