In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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