it's too hot outside to masturbate.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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