Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
