I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
