im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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