I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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