I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
