i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
