This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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