i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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