1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
