so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
