doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
