Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
