dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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