um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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