before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
