The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
