i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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