I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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