Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
