i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
