i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
