dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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