Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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