I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
