Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
The police scanner is talking about you again....
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
