Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
