I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
