its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
