I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
