Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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