whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
