it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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