I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
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