So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
My bed smells like the plague
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
