so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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