Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I have peed in a lot of sinks
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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