You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
