i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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