FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Randomize
