I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
they're like a gay fantastic four
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
