so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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