Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
