he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
