Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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