I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
