I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
there is glitter all over my balls
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