thus making me awesome and them whores
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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