hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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