Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
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