i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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