She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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