So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
