Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize