i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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