I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize