Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
