is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
