So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
